Banner screen caps and additional graphics made by the amazing kinwad thank you so much!
Disclaimer:I own nothing.
Comments are love.
You stand so close to me I can feel your warm breath on my neck. You lower your head so that our eyes could meet. There's so much love and compassion in your hazel eyes yet you don't appear to be apologetic.
"The drawing I bought at your first show at the GLC." You whisper. Your words feel lighter than air on my skin.
"You… You bought that drawing? That was you?" I answer. Fuck, why is my voice trembling?
I'm reminded of how you stared at me that night long ago when we set on your bed at the loft. As I touched your face under the blue light from the headboard I found the bloody scarf wrapped around your neck like a painful reminder. You sighed and told me that you probably forgot. Forgot you practically saved me?
"Why didn't you tell me about it?" I ask after a slight pause, once I feel I can breath again.
"'I didn't think about it then." You shrug, just like you did that night.
"You never do!" I fire back. God, I swear I still can't figure out how or why I was able to hang on to you from such an early age. You drove me crazy and you still do with your pre conceived notions, and those thick walls of doubts and fears you surround yourself with. I'm not saying you should change now, twelve years after. People should still hold on to some defenses in order to survive the grind of every day life but you make it your objective, when it shouldn't be. It should be the means to an end. Haven't you learned it by now?
I keep my eyes on you. You know me well enough to notice something is bothering me but as always you don't ask me directly because even after all these years you assume we can still use our ever lasting power of mind and control to read each other's emotions and magically convey our deepest feelings without words.
Well… not this time.
I shrug my shoulders back at you and turn on my heals to leave the old studio. I know you're following me but I can't turn around to face you. Maybe it's because I don't want you to see the tears in my eyes.
_ _ _ _ _
"Are you still upset about this drawing?" You suddenly break the silence in our living room. We've been sitting here while golden and grey shadows of dusk paint the large room.
"I guess." I answer quietly, taking another gulp of ember color Jim Beam you poured for us when got in. At least you still know how to do that.
You take in one last gulp from your glass and slam it onto the coffee table. You lift yourself from the sofa with a soft sigh which I can't ignore and give me a crocked smile before you turn away to walk towards the stairs.
"I'll be upstairs ." You state the obvious.
"By the way, did you find what you were looking for?" I ask.
"No, must have lost it when we moved back here." You still don't sound apologetic. Do I expect you to be? I don't know.
"I see." I say quietly.
"Coming to bed?" You sound as enticing as ever.
"Not yet." I whisper. I crawl into the softness of the Italian leather of the sofa watching you climb upstairs in your warn out Levi's jeans and black t shirt.
I let out a sigh and retrieve my sketch pad from it's hiding place behind the sofa cushions.
_ _ _ _ _
"What the fuck's this?" I can't hold back an amused gasp when I enter our bedroom much later that night. You lift your eyes and smile at me like a boy who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You're holding a scented candle , carefully lighting it before you put it on the night stand.
You then take off your black t shirt and stare at me. The dim flame from the candle lights up your auburn colored hair and reflects in your hazel eyes and deep honey colored skin. This is insane. Why are you doing this? You never do romance and shit. But fuck! I like it.
You spread your arms wide in an inviting gesture and stick your tongue inside your cheek. You know I like it, don't you?
I walk towards you, taking my t shirt off as I move. An invisible yet tangible electric spark runs between us as our bodies touch. You push your tongue between my lips and I immediately comply, as my fingers snake into the waist band of your jeans to pull them down. You react the same way, softly pulling my sweat pants off me. Our lips are still locked together as we almost fall into the mattress.
I hold back and lift myself from the mattress. As much as I want you inside me I still feel it isn't time yet.
"What?" You ask in a gravely voice. That stupid scented candle obviously made you really horny but I don't want this to be just another make up fuck.
I get out of bed and pick my sweat pants off the floor.
"You've got to be kidding me!" You snap. "Come on, don't leave now."
"It wasn't your fault." I say quietly, echoing what I told you that night when you broke down and admitted to me how scared you were when you saw me lying there on the cold cement. God I love you, you stupid bastard. "And I'm not going anywhere. You're not getting rid of me." I push my hand into the back pocket of my oversized sweat pants until I find what I was looking for. I go back to bed and throw myself on the mattress beside you, nestling my head next to you on your pillow.
"Here." I whisper under my breath, handing you a slightly folded drawing.
"Don't you dare lose this one this time." I warn you lovingly as my lips search for yours