Waiting for JR - QaF One Shot

[guavejuice]

Banner: The amazing Pam pam81 thank you so much!!

Author: guavejuice
Characters: Mel, Lindsay, Michael, Brian.
Justin, Emmet, Ted, Ben, Debbie, Gus (mentioned)
Timeline: 307- 413
Mel's POV
A/N: I wrote this a while back and finally decided to post it. Many thanks to those of you who read through and supported my decision to post a Mel fic and for suggesting I should post it as a 9 parts one shot.
Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer:I own nothing.
Comments are love.

Part 1

I'm a 30 something Jewish democrat lawyer who live with a blond WASP . We raise our 3 year old son together after his biological dad, who I always suspected had a soft spot for my partner gave up his paternal rights so we could all live together as a happy couple.

So, what are the odds?
What are the odds that I, Melanie Marcus , who some say might posses the same unflattering qualities as her son's biological dad, Brian Kinney would turn to her partner one evening after a long day at the office and after they eventually put their son to bed and tell her "Lindsay, I know we've been talking about having another baby. I want to have this baby this time".

It took a few seconds for Lindsay to take it in. I can't say I was pleased. Why would she look at me that way? Does she think I don't have it in me? did she think she could be a stay home mom again, raising another of Brian Kinney's biological babies (assuming he would agree this time ) while I work 12 hours day at the law firm dreaming of opening up my own?

"Honey, look," Lindsay's voice came across too soft, as if she was pleading. As if she was saying I don't want to get into all the shit we've been through in the past, but do you think it's the right thing for you? I could see the thoughts running around in her head. She really didn't think I could do that.

"What about your… problem, Mel?, have you considered that?" she asked, eventually.

"I've been reading some articles online. There's a lot that could be done these days." I said, trying to sound calm. I didn't want to tell her I already made an appointment with the OB for the next day.

She still wasn't convinced. I could almost see the words hanging out on the tip of her tongue. at your age?

"Women can do a lot these days." I said. "Look, hon, I've had a rough day at the office. I've got a new case with those moms who want their son back. I'm really tired. Can we talk about it tomorrow?", I got up from the sofa and moved towards the stares .

"I won't try to stop you." she said quietly

The hell you won't, I thought. Damn, sometimes I can so understand how Brian feels, honestly.

"I know you won't." I smiled at her before I turned around. I wanted this baby, now more than ever.


Part 2

"Mel… are you okay? Wake up…" Lindsay called and tried to stop me from shaking. I set upright in bed, until I could even by breath.

"Having a bad dream?" Lindsay asked.

"No… I.. It was more weird than scary. It was like a beauty contest only all the guys were there, and I had to decide which one to pick as my…our baby's daddy" I said.

"Calm down, Mel, We'll deal with this when we get there." she said and I could see her smile. She would probably pick Brian all over again, but this time it wasn't her choice, it would be mine.

_ _ _ _

"Why weren't you at the office today?" Lindsay asked me frantically as I got back home "I tried your cell but it was turned off." She continued.

"I was at the doctor's office." I said, feeling a slight cramp in my abdomen and moved to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

She didn't answer. I always thought Lindsay should have been born Jewish. She never answered when she was upset or angry, just like most women in my family.

"It's okay, he took care of everything. He said I can now get pregnant." I explained.

"And you didn't think it was important enough for me to be there?" she eventually inquired.

"Frankly… no. Sorry, hon. It's something I felt I needed to do for myself." I didn't want it to sound as if I was trying to please her. God, If Brian could see me now he would have been damn proud. I almost grinned when I thought about that, which was nice, considering I had a nightmare the other day about him becoming the father of my child.

"I need to lie down for a while… we'll talk about it later, okay?" I asked, feeling rather tired. Shit, maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Maybe my body is telling me it's not willing to have a baby.

"There's nothing to talk about , Mel. You made your choice. I respect that. That baby will belong to both of us, just like Gus does, right? So we better try and be positive about it." Lindsay answered.

Yeah, let's try.


Part 3

"I guess you were really lucky when Brian, not exactly of a sound mind, agreed to be a sperm donor for Gus. "I couldn't believe I just said that. "If I see another online sperm donor site I'll go crazy."

I took another sip from my coffee . We decided to have breakfast at the diner before I left for work and Lindsay would go to the gallery.

"I'm sure Brian would agree to do it. And it makes sense for both kids to have the same dad, don't you think?" she leaned over to me as the taller man in question stepped in.

"I've thought about your offer." he said with his signature smirk and signaled for Debbie to bring him his usual, as he set down in our booth. "I decided that since there's nothing straight man hate more than gay guys having babies I'll do it for you. That's the only reason. And… if it's a girl you could name her Charity. So what do you say?" he smiled and pointed out at the milk jag. " It's fresh, I milked it this morning..." he giggled. "Brian, stop it!" Lindsay was fawning all over him.

I desperately wanted to tell him to fuck off at that moment, which he would probably gladly do but… on second though… it might not be such a bad idea.

Let's face it, Brian Kinney's sperm count is probably the best in Liberty Avenue, he is smart , hard working, will be able to provide for my… our baby and he's actually not half bad. I mean Gus is the cutest baby ever and he looks just like Brian. Go figure…

NO, no, I must resist the idea. Brian and I are too much alike. There. I said it. It won't work.

_ _ _ _

"How about Justin?" Lindsay whispered. "He's young, artistic, and … look at those sea shell ears…"

"He's still a baby himself." I whispered back, even though I couldn't deny the fact a young WASP sperm might prove useful to me…"

"Emmett?"

"No!!"

"Ted?"

"He was my first choice, actually , but he's never around much these days… idk"

"Ben?"

"Might have been great… expect for one thing.."

"Michael ?"

"umm… Michael ? Wait, why not? He's still young, he's quite domestic and… he won't give us trouble. I'll ask him".


Part 4

"How did it go? Did he agree to do it?" Lindsay asked when I entered the hallway after a long day.

"Not right away, but then he said he always wanted to have kids… and.. well, he'll do it".

__ _ _ _

"You don't have to take a test every time you pe…". Lindsay stopped in mid sentence, holding on to Gus as I stepped out of the bathroom holding the little stick up to show her the light blue line.

It was one of the few times she was really happy for me. I did it. She knew how it felt. I guess we sort of bonded on that very moment.

But we still had a long way to go.

The next time I saw Lindsay really happy is when people were out on the street when Stockell lost.

That night was a small victory for me since I started my second trimester. Lindsay almost dropped off her cell phone which made me believe that for a brief moment she really felt happy.

But my work wasn't done yet.

Part 5

"I really don't think you should work so hard..."

"Are you trying to prove a point?"

"What are you trying to do?"

I was going out of my mind. And no, I wasn't trying to put myself or my baby at risk. What do you take me for? Some heartless bitch? Maybe that's what they were thinking. Okay, I know they wanted the best for me but it was getting on my nerves.

The best part was when they sent Brian up to my room. Why would they think the guy would drop everything and would make a pilgrimage to my bedroom to play the good doctor and make me show him where it hurt?

It hurt everywhere, actually, and I could use the bed rest but I didn't want them to treat me like an invalid just because I was going to have a baby.

The only one who made it all worthwhile was Gus. It took one look from those hazel eyes or one sweet funny murmur from his beautiful lips to turn me into a pile of goo.

I tried my best to lower the level of stress when he was around. I even agreed that Michael would take me to Lamaze classes to try and stay calm and focused.

I was willing to make peace with Emmett after we had exchanged some rough words, and even offered him to stay in our place until he was able to sort out his shit with Ted.

Little did I know that it was the calm before the storm.


Part 6

We were at the kitchen, because Lindsay had the brilliant idea to bake cookies for Ted as a peace offering and Michael thought it might be a good idea to talk to the baby.

He put his hands on my belly and whispered something. Maybe my hormones got the better of me but I didn't find it so unpleasant. Then he asked Emmett if he wanted to say something. He queened out and refused and then he asked Lindsay. She was fussing around with the oven trays, and seemed to be more interested in trying to play peace keeper between Emmett and Ted. I was carrying this baby, I needed attention too. I guess each time one of our friends was in trouble we bonded better and joined forces to help them much more then we ever did for ourselves.

_ _ _ _ _

"Is there something you're not telling me?" I asked her that night, trying to cope with the worst heartburn of my life. They all wanted me to take care of myself and the baby but they didn't exactly make it easier on me. I've been on this road too many times before with Lindsay. I don't know why I thought this time would be different, but I definitely didn't expect this.

"Well, I was about to tell you.." she chalked.

"Was about to tell me? " I tried to sit upright in bed.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Mel… we were at the gallery, and I was…" she mumbled. I hated it when she mumbled. God I wish I was in a different place at a different time right now. This can't be happening.

"You mean… you and that obnoxious artist? Lindsay, what were you thinking?" I snapped.

"Don't get all worked up… you'll…" she tried.

"What, hurt the baby? I guess it won't be entirely my fault, would it?" I felt my blood rushing in my veins but my legs felt numb. I put my hand on my belly. I could have sworn the baby kicked in protest.

"You don't have to say that." her voice got lower "I mean it's not like you haven't done this before."

Silence.

I didn't know how to deal with it. Too much was going on.

My boss wanted me off the most important case of my career, my doctor wanted me to take it easy, my friends were busy trying to get their life on track, my baby's daddy was getting more annoying every day and my baby's future grandmother turned out to be more of a Jewish mother than my own, who wouldn't even call me , and now… this?

"What do you mean by that?" I was able to whisper eventually, when what I really wanted to say was "hey, look the baby just kicked… " and then go and search for cute baby cloths on line. Yeah, I wanted to go through the whole cute-sy stuff myself. Was that too far fetched to believe? I wasn't just carrying this baby, I had feelings too. Couldn't they all see that?

I tried to roll to one side in bed. Damn there was no way I could do it alone, not when I was 33 weeks pregnant. I had to ask for help.

"Could… you please hand me over that pillow?" I asked quietly.

She handed my the huge pillow and I think I saw a slight smile.

"Good thing I didn't give it away. It was a life savor when I was… pregnant with Gus." She leaned over and helped me place the pillow at the right angle until I felt a little more comfortable.

"I’ll stay with you until the baby is born, but don't expect me to do much more." she said. Her voice sounded cold and flat.

Part 7

Michael was furious when he found out about Lindsay. At first I thought what's it to him , he's just the sperm donor but then I realized he might have other plans.

Having to cut my working hours in half made me crazy. Plus non of my pre pregnancy cloths fitted me any more. Good thing Emmett agreed to join me to buy some maternity cloths and good thing I didn't end up getting a bright orange wardrobe.

I was lucky to have Ted there. He may have gone a little too far with his post rehab mantras but some of that give me the courage to accept the things I can't change shit rubbed off on me.

Lindsay decided she wanted us to have separated bills now, which was a stupid idea since I paid for most of it anyway. I guess that was her way of showing me she could do everything I can and do it better. I really couldn't follow her train of thoughts at that point.

The thought of her making out with that man was even more terrible than my heart burns and back pains, seriously.

But the toughest thing for me was her taking control over Gus and taking him away from me.

Was that her way of punishing me? she knew how I felt about this little boy. She made a mistake. Couldn't she admit it? Why did she have to use Gus against me?

So, right, I made that mistake as well, I'm not saying I didn't but this one hurt the most. Having worked with so many divorce cases in the past I knew the kids are the first to suffer but I couldn't take it when she kept Gus away.

I wanted to pay her back. Hell, I wanted to hurt her as well. I always spoke my mind. I could do that again. It's just that… it felt weird but I didn't want all that hate to touch my unborn baby.

Ted's mantras about negative energy made me think but they couldn't take away the pain. I knew she thought I was a bitch. I had too much going on my mind and in my body to try and let her, and the others, see otherwise.


Part 8

I took comfort in Debbie's pancakes and omlelets with an extra side of bacon.

I remember her being much more involved and handing out words of advice before whenever Justin or Emmett and even Brian needed that. This time she seemed a bit distant.

She kept asking how was her granddaughter or grandson are doing occasionally but no more than that. I can't say I wasn't feeling a bit discouraged by that. At first I was bothered by all that attention and now when they kept their distance there was nothing I wanted more then a wise word and a helping hand. Weird, isn't it?

It turns out everyone were dealing with their own shit at the time. Justin got himself involved n with a psychopath who thought he could fight violence with violence and Brian was in deep shit trouble as well.

We were all at the diner when he came back from his vacation not looking all that rested. Only later on Ted told me what Brian went through. I felt sorry for the big old jerk somehow. I didn't bother to ask Lindsay why wasn't she going to visit him. I guess he just didn't want to be bothered. I knew that feeling all too well.

Part 9

Ben called me when I was trying to change my position on the couch, which was were I spent most of my days at this point, wearing one of Ted's new dress shirts, which
were really tastefully chosen by Brian. It was either those shirts or a huge buggy denim overall. I couldn't fit into anything else really. My body was curving it's own way into the couch so it wasn't all that bad expect for my swollen feet.

Ben told me he's planning on organizing a 4 days charity bicycle ride from the Pitts to Toronto and back in a couple of weeks time to raise money for the Liberty house in honor of Vic. He asked me if I would be willing to take part. I tried to giggle despite the pain in my lower back and abdomen telling him I might be otherwise engaged by that time since my due date was in a couple of weeks, give or take. My own preference would be on the take, obviously.

He apologized and asked if I could at least be there for the fond raiser he's having at Babylon the next day and pointed out he found a donor. Sorry, a sponsor.

"Sure, I'll be there." I cheered.

And so were half of gay Pittsburgh..

Brian grinned at me and I nodded to him. I heard he was about to join the ride. That took some balls. I respected that since for many years Brian said I wished I grew a pair myself.

I didn't feel so brave at that point, actually. It was the home stretch. I was tired of waiting for my baby. Tired of fighting. It was a nice to too something right for a change. Only it turned out some people can't stop. The guy who we thought might sponsor the whole thing turned out to be a big jerk. Trust me, I know all about jerks.

After we found out about it and the gang eventually left for the ride I felt an unfamiliar heaviness spreading around my body. I couldn't believe it but I think I experienced a 'Is that the kind of world I'd like to bring my baby into' moment.

Later on I realized non other than Brian Kinney saved the day., and more than this I found out my body was trying to tell me it's getting ready to give birth. The wait would be over. Or so I thought.

_ _ _ _ _

Lindsay kept her words and stayed with me at the hospital all night.

When it turned out we'll have to wait a while longer I demanded , or should I say screamed for Epidural but some bitch nurse (why do I always encounter bitch nurses? ) said there was nothing they could give me at that point because I was too far along.

I might have been close to the finish line in medical terms but for me the real struggle just began .

It took some effort to finish that leg of the ride. I was thankful Lindsay was there. At least she knew all too well what it was like. She actually never told me what it was like for her. I didn't want those thought to distract me, though, I had other things in mind at that moment.

My daughter was born at 5am. It was still dark outside but I could see her very well. The wait was over. To Lindsay's surprise and to mine as well I had what it takes. I knew what to do.

Lindsay finally managed to get Ben on the phone. Apparently Mr. wonderful fell of his bike and broke his collar bone so they all waited for him. I could hear Debbie screaming with joy all the way from Lindsay's phone.

I was tired.

I guess all women feel that way after they push a bowling ball through a hole of a needle. That's how it felt like to me.

When they let me hold her tiny body I needed a moment to get my thoughts in order. I didn't know what the future would hold or where do we go from here. I felt nothing but love for that little pink damp mini me looking at me with a set of dark eyes (her father's?... ) and the only other thing I could think of once the room stopped spinning and everything calmed down a bit were Brian's words. No apologies. No regrets.

Little did I know…

Or maybe I did know. She was here to stay. At that moment I decided to name her Jenny Rebecca.

I'll be by your side no matter what, JR, the thought crossed my mind as I felt an unfamiliar wetness in my eyes. I placed a gentle kiss on her tiny forehead.

Always and forever, JR.

Comments

[later2nite.livejournal.com]

Wow! This was a huge undertaking and a very long fic! You did a great job. I enjoyed reading Mel's pov about pregnancy and birth, and I had to smile every time she thought about something Brian had said or done.

Hugs ♥

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you how pleased I am to know you enjoyed this story, Linda. I really value your opinion, as you know and your feedback means a lot to me.
I think Mel and Brian are very much alike ;)
Thank you so much!
*hugs you back*

[manueladb.livejournal.com]

This was really good. There aren't many fics from Mel's point of view, I think it's the first one I've read, personally. I appreciate what you did, I guess it wasn't an easy. And it's a long one too. I loved the last lines.

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your feedback, Manu. I thought it would be interesting to take her POV on this.
*hugs*

[spike7451.livejournal.com]

Lovely story, enjoyed it very much, there is so little written from Mel's POV.

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, Lyn. I'm glad to know you enjoyed it. I thought I should explore Mel's POV.
*hugs*

[moonbrightnites.livejournal.com]

Hey, you wrote it! I remember back when this was just an idea. :)
Really nicely done -- there aren't many fics with Me's POV out there.
And I think this is the longest thing you've written, isn't it? Excellent job pushing yourself and giving us more!
♥

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your kind feedback, Michelle. Thank you for supporting this story when it was still an idea :)
I wrote a few short B/J fic sereis before ( not longer than 8 chapters) but that kind of one shot was new for me.
Glad you enjoyed it.
*hugs*

[pam81.livejournal.com]

Here it is, finally! Yeah!!!!
So glad you posted it.
It was great to read it again.
I've truly enjoyed this.
Well done, V ♥
*mwah*

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you sooo much for all your support in this story, sweetie, and all the work you put into the amazing banner, not to mention giving this story it's title.
So glad to know you enjoyed it, it means a lot to me :)
*hugs you tight*