guavejuice | I cannot Forget

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Icon: Carmen

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Author:

guavejuice
Pairing:Brian/Justin
Timeline: 3 to 6 months post 513
Beta:

mander3_swish thank you so much, darling!
A/N: part 5/7
Part of this chapter is based on a drabble I wrote for drabylon prompt #183 @ drabylon.
Disclaimer:I own nothing.
Comments are most welcome.

Chapter 5
Brian's pov

The weather sucked over the next weekend, so I couldn't fly out to see him. The weather reports all said it wouldn’t be wise to drive either.

I tried to ease the pain with a few shots of JB and a joint. I found out why I always hated self pity.

I gave up trying to jerk off to Justin's voice on the answering machine just as someone knocked on the door.

He never knocked, he had a key. So it couldn't be him. I didn't want to get my hopes up. I couldn't get anything up. I let go of my soft dick and opened the door.

Debbie stood there with a large dish in her hands. She obviously noticed the mess in the loft.

"Thank you for not saying anything," I said before she could open her mouth, and then I offered her my joint.

"It must be hard for you," she said after a while.

"You have no idea," I whispered. I didn't think it would be wise to tell her I'm not even close. All that self pity was actually making me soft.

I hated phone sex and jerking off, alone, in the shower afterwards. But it was more than that. I missed him. I missed his remarks, his insights, and his touch. His being.

"It's a great thing you did, kiddo," she told me, "letting Justin go to New York to follow his dream." She keeps telling me that. Lindsay also told me that, but then she left, too, with my son.

Long distance relationships suck. I didn’t want to be brave. I didn’t want to sacrifice anymore. I wanted him to do well, but I wanted him here. There, I said it.

I wanted him now.

I was afraid that if I didn’t say it now I would regret it later.

TBC