guavejuice | Reflections- B/J fic for mander3

Author:

guavejuice
Pairing:Brian/Justin
Timeline:201
Beta:Linda

later2nite thank you so much!!
A/N: This is a EKG project yet again, and it's all for you, darling mander!
Banner and Icon:Steffi

soulmatejunkee
Project coordinator: Carmen

galehot
Disclaimer:I own nothing.
Comments are love.

I saw you lying there, helpless, covered with blood, surrounded by darkness.

They put you in a white room on a white bed, your beautiful blond hair bound in white bandages. It seemed as though you were sleeping peacefully, but I knew you weren't. I couldn't hold back the tears. I couldn't let go of the memory of your beaming smile just before you turned away, taken by surprise by that cruel hand holding a bat.

I take another shot of Beam, but it doesn't take away the pain. Wandering around the empty loft, my mind takes me back to the conversation we had a few days before my thirtieth birthday. As usual, you did most of the talking. You asked me how I'd get along without you in New York City, then said I'd probably forget about you.

Busy packing, I tried not to let your words touch my soul. I tried to pretend it didn't matter to me. All I could say was that I wouldn't think of you, yet the truth is I wanted to throw everything and hold you close. I wanted to whisper, "Wait. You didn't let me finish. It'll all seem like a distant memory except for you, because no matter where I am or who I'm with, I'll always love you."

But I didn't say anything. I was so fucking scared. I figured your bright blue eyes would gaze at me knowingly while you pointed out that it doesn't make sense because I don't believe in love. You were always onto me, despite your tender age.

And you would have been right. I don't believe in love...or so I thought. Hugging you and listening to you trying to hold back your tears, I couldn't define what I felt anymore. I know it sounds corny, but I'd give anything if I could turn back the clock and bring back those tender moments. I wish I could let you see.

I wish I could wake you up with a gentle kiss to your lips and tell you that I sat in the empty corridor outside of your hospital room every night, holding an unlit cigarette in my hand, listening to the rain and longing for you.