Then Now and Always- AU series Chapter 5

[guavejuice]

Banner Made By bissa 666 with special thanks to Kathleen 7wildwaysup.


Author:guavejuice
Pairing:Brian/Justin
Timeline:AU
Beta:Kim predec2 Can't thank you enough!!!
Summary:
"If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?" ~RuPaul Charles
Justin's journey to self-acceptance and personal transition is long and winding. Will he learn to love himself as others love him?
A/N:I started writing this series back in December 2015 which officially makes it my first WIP. Please bare with me and wait patiently between updates.
Click Here for previous chapters
Disclaimer:I own nothing but this story.
Comments are love.





Chapter 5

- Same Time, Kinnetik Advertising Agency, Pittsburgh -


Brian’s POV

“You’ve got a call on Line 1, Brian,” Cynthia, my trusty assistant, informed me through the intercom.

“If it’s that Jeffrey Star, or whatever his name is from the fucking underwear line, tell him I’m not in the office. Tell him I'm out to lunch. Tell him I won’t be available in the next hour…." I shrugged, not really caring what she told him. "I don't know; you’ll figure out what to tell him,” I answered back. "Tell him anything."

“Jeffrey Star doesn’t own a fucking underwear line, Brian. He’s an up-and-coming, hot designer," Cynthia informed me as she popped into my office like lightning. “And he IS your newest account, in case you've forgotten,” she added, pressing her lips into a thin line. She stood there a little longer, staring directly at me. “Come on! This isn't like you! You're always on top of your game. What is wrong with you?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I mumbled uncharacteristically.

“You can’t fool me. What is it? Out with it!” she urged, hands on hips.

“Promise you won’t laugh?” I looked up from my desk.

“Should I?” she replied with a smirk.

“Fuck it, I feel pathetic already,” I admitted. I stopped to compose myself, but then decided to let her know why I was feeling crankier than usual today. If anyone would understand, it would be her. “I met this guy at a bar four weeks ago,” I blurted out as fast as I could before I chickened out.

“You meet LOTS of guys in bars, Brian! So what else is new?" Cynthia answered dryly.

"Well, this guy was different,” I maintained, pulling at my collar awkwardly as Cynthia stared over at me unblinkingly, not backing down. I shook my head in disbelief. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this." I sighed heavily as she raised an eyebrow at me, almost daring me not to go on. But, hell, I was deep in shit already, so I figured, what the hell? "Okay…well, there was something different about him…I know, I know. Normally I don't give a fuck about any trick, but…here, look; his friend took a picture of us that night; let me show you…” I grabbed a picture I had been keeping in my drawer, occasionally stealing a glance at it from time to time, even when I had no reason to open it, and handed it to her to look at.

I could see Cynthia’s eyes grow wide in disbelief as she stared at the photo of the two of us. “Wow, I never thought I would see the day," she deadpanned. "Brian Kinney, possibly interested in more than a one-night fuck?" She gazed down at the photo and smiled. "He's cute – and hot," she agreed. But I'm surprised, Brian; he's not your usual type. You normally go for the dark and smoldering type, not someone like this." She handed the photo back to me. "Well, I guess even the mighty can fall when they're not looking."

“It’s crazy, I know," I admitted. "Hell, I didn’t even know I had a type,” I told her. "But you're right; I usually go for the dark-haired, muscular guys." I stared down at the photo and shook my head. "It’s driving me crazy! It’s as if this guy has a hold on me or something!" I scoffed at myself, saying the words aloud before I could stop myself, because it was all just so outlandish. "You know I didn't even fuck him that night?"

Cynthia's mouth hung open. "Now I KNOW this guy's different…or you were stoned out of your mind. "You're that interested in him, but you didn't fuck him? Maybe THAT'S why, then; you're curious now about what it would be like with him," she surmised. "The fish that got away, so to speak."

I shook my head. "No, it wasn't like that," I insisted. “I can't explain it, even to myself. But we ended up on the rug in my loft, fully clothed, and sleeping." I smiled at the recollection, again wondering why I was admitting it, but now that I had told Cynthia this much, I figured I might as well finish it. "It was kind of nice, waking up with him huddled up against me…but then he woke up, mumbled some apology about having to leave, and was out the door before it even fully registered in my head."

"You didn't feel insulted by the trick that got away?" she asked me with a smirk, now utterly fascinated by my tale.

I paused. "No," I admitted, amazed by that fact myself. "He asked me to take him home, which I did, believe it or not,” I continued, gazing at his face in the picture. “I managed to get his phone number… and that’s when things got really weird... I called him earlier today,” I revealed, causing Cynthia to gape at me. I stopped and rolled my lips inward, suddenly feeling awkward like some kid on a fucking first date.

“And?” Cynthia asked, crossing her arms on her chest.

“There was just something odd about the whole thing. I don’t know. Even his voice sounded off somehow. He said he was coming down with a cold or some shit. I asked him if he would like to grab a bite to eat…” I paused and lowered my face, trying to avoid Cynthia’s gaze. “But he refused,” I continued, still trying to come to grips with someone actually rejecting me; it was a feeling I was not used to experiencing. “And it…it pisses me off!" I admitted. "So just handle my calls for the rest of the day; I'm getting out of here." I needed some time to think, some time to…forget. Some way to forget.

“Woody’s?” Cynthia asked with a smirk. "Or maybe the Baths."

I scowled at her; she knew me way too well. "Remind me to find a new watering hole sometime," I told her as she grinned back at me smugly. I decided that a few rounds of beer, some nuts (edible and otherwise), and a hot, random trick – or two or three – would help me forget that one particular blond and get him off my mind for good. No one ever had – or ever will – have that type of control over me.


Or so I thought – until several minutes later, just as I was downing my second beer at Woody's – my cell phone rang. One glance at the caller ID on my screen, and I felt my heart start hammering in my chest – and I knew it wasn't from the alcohol. Justin. Get a grip, Kinney, I silently berated myself.

"Kinney." I was proud of how even and nonchalant my voice sounded, even though I could almost hear my pulse pounding in my ears.

“Hey,” he answered me back softly, his voice still sounding coarse, but I couldn’t care less. It sounded intriguing to me anyway.

“Hey, yourself, “I answered back. I waited expectantly for his response, not wanting to sound too overly enthusiastic that he had called. The ball's in your court, Taylor…so to speak. I couldn't help grinning over that image.

“So… I… I’m sorry about earlier," he replied after a few moments, his voice sounding hesitant or maybe nervous? "I didn’t mean to sound so harsh over the phone,” he told me.

“Oh?" I responded, eyeing a hot-looking brunet that sauntered by that gave me a long head-to-toe, 'come-hither' look, but I was surprised that I didn't respond back, more interested in the man on the phone. "I hadn't noticed," I told him, which was a bald-faced lie, but I wasn't going to let HIM know that. I could hear what sounded like labored breathing coming from Justin, which made me frown. "Are you okay? You sound a little raspy or something." Maybe he HAD had a cold after all, I wondered.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine," he hastened to reassure me. Again a slight hesitation occurred, before he suddenly added unexpectedly, "But I do have something I need to tell you."

“Sure, go ahead,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders, more interested than I was willing to let on.

“No…Not over the phone," he told me, now sounding decidedly more nervous, and making me even more curious.

“Okay," I replied. Wanna grab a bite, then?” I suggested, refusing to admit in my mind that this could actually constitute asking someone out on a fucking date, and I did not DO dates…well, at least not in that way. If I happen to be out eating, and see a hot waiter to fuck, that was a different situation altogether.

I thought I heard Justin sigh on the other side of the phone as he seemed to backpedal now. "Uhh…I appreciate the invitation….but on second thought, I'm going to be really busy for the next few weeks, so I don't think we'll be able to meet again for a while."

I frowned in irritation and frustration. "Listen, Justin, you called ME. You're the one who's telling me you have something you need to tell me in person, and now you're saying you'll be too busy to meet with me for the next few weeks? But you can't tell me the problem over the phone. That is fucked up."

I could clearly hear the anguish in his voice now as he exclaimed, "I know! I'm sorry! I wish I could explain right now. I am so attracted to you…but…"

"But what?" I demanded brusquely, growing tired of this cat-and-mouse game.

"Don't you understand?" Justin told me. "That's what makes this so hard, because I DO feel something for you! I really wanted you to know…"

"Know what, damn it?" I growled. "What?" I had to raise my voice to be heard above the growing crowd of patrons now immediately around me as I cupped my hand over my ear to try and hear better.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Brian. But I just can't do this right now."

"Saying sorry is a bunch of bullshit, Justin, and doesn't mean a damn thing."

I thought I heard him respond with a dry chuckle, but there was no amusement in his voice as he told me flatly, "I'll try to remember that."

"You say you're attracted to me, call me up to tell me something that seems important…and now this?"

I could have sworn I heard him sniffle as if he were getting choked up before he replied after a few moments, "I know. I know. It's…it's not you; it's me," he attempted to explain, but it just made me even more irritated, not only at him, but at me for caring so damn much and wanting to know exactly what was going on. But I wasn't about to let him know how much this inability to explain was worrying me.

"Well, when you figure it all out – and can explain it to me like a man – call me."

Justin responded with another sort of derisive sound as he replied, "If you only knew. Yeah…I will. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"Justin?" There was no sound on the other end now, and I realized as I looked down at my phone that he had disconnected the call. What the hell? I stared at the phone, trying to come to terms with what had just happened. I shook my head in confusion. Well, as curious as I was, I wasn't about to call him back. HE was going to have to be the one to get back in touch with ME. Brian Kinney did not chase any man.

After I hung up the phone, I finished my beer in one gulp and ran back to my car. Upon arriving at my office, I literally dashed into my private restroom, locked the door, shoved my pants and briefs down to my ankles, and leaned against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall, jerking off more fiercely and intently than I had ever before, with the image of that blond guy in my mind’s eye.

I knew the office was empty since they were all out to lunch, but I bit my lips anyway for fear I would let forth with a yell so loud when I came that it would be heard all over gay Pittsburgh. Cleaning myself off and washing my hands at the sink afterward, I still needed a few more minutes to compose myself. I didn’t know what was it about him that made me react this way. I didn’t even know if I would ever see him again but I simply couldn’t help it. And that thought both astounded me, and rocked me to my very soul.

_ _ _ _ _ _


~ Same day, late afternoon, Justin’s apartment, Pittsburgh ~


Justin’s POV

“Where the hell have you been, dude? I’ve been trying to reach you since this morning! Is everything okay?” Cody sounded worried as I finally picked up the phone.

“W… what time is it?” I mumbled sleepily. I lifted my head from the pillow with the phone pressed between my ear and the crook of my neck, but then my head started spinning so badly I was forced to lie down again. I lied down with my eyes closed for a while trying to even out my breath. I had no idea as to why I had felt this way. It couldn't have been a side effect of the testosterone on my body. I've experienced some side effects from time to time but never these kind of splitting headache. The only reasonable cause to this headache must have been the amount of stress and anxiety I was in with everything that was going on in my life at the time.

“It’s 7 p.m., Justin. Is everything okay?” Cody asked. “I thought you might want to talk some more about your appointment with Dr. Schmidt. Were you sleeping?"


“Yeah, I must have passed out," I replied, not sure if I wanted to elaborate any further as to why I had been asleep. I slowly rose to sit up in the bed and lean against the headboard, waiting for the dizziness to subside a bit before I told him, "It actually went really well. Better than I had expected." I was touched by Cody’s concern. “Dr. Schmidt said he’ll schedule the pre-op appointment as soon as possible so I can get it done in the next few weeks. I really appreciate everything you're doing for me Cody…" I allowed my voice to trail off then as I hesitated.

"You're welcome," he told me softly. "Only someone who's been there can understand what you're going through. But why do I think I hear a 'but' there somewhere?"

I sighed then. "I don’t know…fuck, I was so psyched up about it when I left his clinic. I know I should feel much happier about it now, but for some reason I don’t." My words eluded me once again. “I’m sorry,” I told my friend. “I know I’m not the best person to talk to right now,” I continued. "I just have these mixed-up feelings. It's hard to explain."

“No, I totally understand," he assured me. "This is a huge step you're taking; one that will alter your life forever in a lot of ways, so it's perfectly normal to feel that way."

I sighed again, this time in relief. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he answered firmly. I could almost hear his smile in his voice. "So don't worry; it will all come together - pardon the pun."

I had to laugh at that statement then, freeing some of the tension from my body. "Thanks. I feel a little better now."

"I'm glad. Look, if there’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate to ask, okay? Oh, and I thought you might like to know that it's my night off tonight. Ever since Peter and I left New York City and moved to West Virginia, we've established this unwritten house rule of giving each other a night off. Tonight he's staying with Haley so I can hang out with a few friends at our club. Wanna join me? I can come get you and we could drive downtown together. It might be an opportunity for you to relax and have some fun in a safe place. Plus, one of my friends will be there. I think it might be interesting for you to meet him," Cody said. "I think it would help you feel more comfortable about your decision."

I think I knew what Cody was trying to say, but decided to wait until we got to the club, and I met his friend in person. “Yeah. Thanks,” I answered back. “I'd really like to go." The thought intrigued me. I wonder what it will be like?

"Great! I'll pick you up at ten. Will that work?"

"Yeah, I'll be ready. See you soon."

As I hung up my phone and put it aside, I felt so grateful to Cody for being there for me, and I was looking forward to going with him to this club of his. I realized that I haven’t had anything to eat since earlier today, so feeling somewhat better now I slid off the bed and walked to the kitchen. While preparing myself an avocado-and-peanut butter sandwich, I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular. But when I sat down on the sofa with my legs folded under me and the plate of food by my side, my thoughts kept wondering back to the moment Brian had called me on the phone at noon, asking me to grab a bite with him. Fuck it! Why did I decline his offer? What if I had just dropped by that bar, had a drink, and just chatted with him? Isn’t that what guys do? Guys like to hang out, right? Cody and I always hang out with our friends, and it’s never awkward. So why is it that when I think about getting together with Brian, it's always about the shape of my chest, or what I have between my legs? I mean…so far Brian doesn’t even know. Hell, Lindsay was right and so was Cody. I should feel rather good about myself that Brian wanted to get to know me better in the first place.

But then why should I always be reminded of that? Why do I keep looking for affirmation? Do CIS guys have to be reminded constantly that they are male, especially when they see someone they like? I mean, isn’t it as simple as boy-meet-girl (or boy-meets-boy in my case), boy likes boy, they get to hang out, they spend the night together – or not – and then they move on, or in other cases, meet up again? Why is it so difficult for me to wrap my brain around it? Is it because I keep a tab on how much time has passed since I started taking T shots? Why do I always have to worry about how other men might perceive me? But then Brian isn’t just any other man. He’s a man I’ve been thinking about ever since that night at the club.

My mouth felt dry, my head was spinning again. I was quite hungry, but I couldn’t take a bite of the sandwich. All I felt like doing was get into the shower, stand under a spray of warm water and maybe jerk off. After almost Six and a half months on T I was gaining quite a bit of growth down there. It wasn’t what CIS gender male might have obviously, but hell it was all mine and I liked how it looked. I liked being able to look at it, and TOUCH it without getting too much bottom dysphoria which to me at that point meant a great deal. A few minutes later – the water streaming down from above – I grabbed my pin, pumped it in my fist, and jerked off until I found a quick release, collapsing breathless against the cool shower tiles, all wet and sticky.

But I wasn't happy. Why was I still not fully satisfied?

I really had to stop thinking about Brian. For one thing, I didn’t even know him all that well, but from what I’ve seen so far the guy was like the ultimate gay man’s god. What were the chances of him wanting to be with me, let alone fucking me?

Damn. I was horny as hell, but I had to stop thinking about fucking altogether.


I couldn’t just spend all day thinking about him. About the two of us being together. It would never, ever happen, so I thought I’d better stop torturing myself with false hope. Besides, I made it clear to him that I wouldn't be able to meet with him anyway in the upcoming weeks, not until after my top surgery – which, of course I hadn't told him about. Right now, only Cody knew. But it didn’t even matter anyway.

But if it didn’t matter, why did it hurt so bad just thinking about him?

_ _ _ _ _ _


~ Later That Evening, Park House Night Club – Pittsburgh ~




"Hey, man!" Cody greeted a lean, toned, shirtless guy that walked towards us as we entered the bar.

"Hey, Dude, long time no see!" the guy answered back with a warm smile. He obviously noticed me staring at him – more specifically, at his bare, smooth, toned, flat chest.




"Blake, this is Justin. Justin, this is my friend, Blake," Cody introduced us.

"Great to meet you, Blake," I replied politely. "Cody mentioned you earlier, but I didn't think…I wasn't sure…" I started to stammer. Fuck this, I hissed inwardly, berating myself for sounding so inane.

"That I'm a trans man as well?" Blake completed my question with an even bigger, understanding smile. "Yes, I am. And proud of it." he twirled around to show off his body. "I guess I have Dr. Peterson, Dr. Bruckner, and most of all, Dr. Schmidt to thank for it," he said.

"Umm… you too?" I asked, feeling like the new clueless kid in class again.

"He's the best!" Blake said with a nod. "It's been a long and winding journey for me, but man it's worth it now." I could hear his voice hitch when he mentioned that, even over the din of the crowd nearby. "Why won't you get something from the bar and we can sit over there?" he gestured at the sitting area containing a couch and some chairs that was situated against an exposed brick wall on the other side of the room.

"Umm, I don't drink. Well, not anymore," I whispered. One thing I had promised myself was that I wasn't going to fall back on my unhealthy habits of smoking and drinking while I was transitioning.

To my relief Blake smiled at me. "No worries; neither do I!" he revealed to my surprise. "These days are OVER!"

After grabbing some club soda with lemon and ice from the bar, we moved over to the sitting area and started chatting as we sat together on the couch.

I started with a bit of small talk. Once a WASP always a WASP I suppose. "Are you from Pittsburgh originally?"

"Oh, yeah, but I guess you could say I was born on the wrong side of the tracks, literally," Blake answered. Both Cody and I nodded quietly.

"I think I know what you mean," I said. "Well…I grew up in an upper middle class family, went to private boarding schools, and spent my summers at this cabin on the lake, so I guess I had it better than a lot of others did. But it still didn't change what I've always felt. Like I'm literally trapped in a body that didn't belong to me, crawling to make my way out," I continued as Blake nodded in understanding. He glanced over at Cody and then back to me. "Cody's family has a cabin on the lake, too. So that's where the two of you met?" He winked. "Yeah, I've heard all about those summer vacations at the lake," he concluded as we all burst into laughter. It felt great to just sit there companionably, just drinking and conversing between ourselves. For once, I felt like I belonged; like I fit in. And it was a good feeling.

"Well, where did you two meet?" I asked Cody.

"At rehab, after I had a serious encounter with way too many drugs and alcohol. It was after my application for the first testosterone treatment was denied by my therapist at the time, claiming I wasn't ready for it," Cody answered quietly.

"But it wasn't the 'first' first time we met, remember?" Blake prompted him.

"Oh, you mean the first time?" Cody let out a dry huff. "You see, Justin, what Blake means is that my first time in rehab was when my parents checked me in against my will, and since I wasn't twenty-one yet I had no choice but to stay. I hated it so bad. But mainly I hated YOU for being so tough on me. I thought you were downright conceited, in fact."

"I was so fucking scared back then," Blake recalled. "And totally messed up with all the drugs and alcohol I had consumed in an attempt to make the pain go away…" Blake's voice trailed off.

Sitting at that club that night, looking at how Cody had tenderly put his arm around Blake's shoulder, I felt there must have been much more going on between Cody and Blake at the time than they were revealing. I folded my legs under me on the brown leather sofa and continued to listen to them.

"But then I was really shocked to see you in rehab the second time around," Cody mentioned after a brief pause. "This time I'd decided to admit myself voluntarily after I literally hit rock bottom. I wasn't yet confirmed to use T, and I knew how difficult it was to start once you're in your twenties, because that's when your female hormones kick into overdrive. I contacted someone who I thought could provide me with some 'replacement' substances to dull the pain I was feeling, but it turned out to be some cheap shit they had probably cooked up in some bath tub in Tijuana, and it messed me up big time. So there I was, barely able to walk and talk, entering rehab. And on the second day when group sessions started, who turns out to be the group counselor? Mr. Dreamboat over here…" Cody points at Blake.

"No way," I couldn't help but gasp at Cody's revelation.

"Way…" Black said. "I was halfway through my transition at the time, so I took that job at the rehab facility to pay my medical bills… and as a way of giving back to them, I guess you could say."

"I'll never forget how you stood there staring at me while I was scrubbing those hideous, linoleum floors – with a fucking toothbrush, no less!" Cody said "Which is why I promised myself I'd never relapse again. Shortly I came out of rehab, I met with Dr. Peterson, and, well…you all know the rest," he concluded with a reassuring smile, which for some reason sent a sharp pang through my heart. It's not that I wasn't happy for both Cody and Blake, but I just couldn't wait to cross all those obstacles they had faced during their journey. I wanted to be able to feel whole in the true sense of the word.

"So how about you, Justin?" Blake's voice brought me back to the conversation.


"I've been on T for almost six-and-a-half months, and I'm actually scheduled to have my first pre-op appointment soon," I answered.

"That's cool, man! So no more binders for you, huh?" Blake smiled as he tapped me on my shoulders.

"Well, yeah… but I think I need to start thinking about other things apart from top surgery and the T."

Cody eyed me with curiosity. "Like?"

"Well, in a lot of ways, I'm just like everyone else. I need to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life," I told them candidly. "My original plan was to start on T and then enroll in PIFA for an art degree. Well, that didn’t go as planned, because I couldn’t get it together. I felt so insecure and wrapped up in my own thoughts that I had to let it go. But now, after almost six months on T, I feel it's time to start thinking about my future plans," I continued.

"I feel you, Bro," Blake nodded emphatically. "I know what you mean because I've been there. I KNOW it's not easy, but man…don't give up on your other future plans and dreams. It's part of who you are, and of who you're about to become. Tell you what. Why don't you visit my studio on Monday? We could hang out and talk some more,"

"Oh, so you're an artist, too?" I asked him with surprise.

"Yeah, I went to PIFA just like you want to do, and obtained my art degree. But now I'm more of a body artist if you will," he added with a smile as I frowned, perplexed.

"Blake is a tattoo artist," Cody explained. "And he's damn good," he continued, rolling the right sleeve of his dress shirt up to expose a beautiful, medium-sized, intricate floral design in black and grey ink with the leathers C, P, and H in the middle.

"Oh wow, it's amazing," I noted. "When did you have that done?" I asked Cody, not remembering he had that the summer we met.

"It was on Peter and mine's anniversary, and the H. is for our daughter, of course," Cody explained as Blake nodded with pride.

"I see you've had at least one made," he then mentioned, pointing at my Scorpio tattoo.

"Oh! Yeah, but this was a long, long time ago," I explained. "Besides, things change, right? And I think I might actually like a larger, bolder work done, even before my top surgery."

"Sounds great! I'll see you there Monday morning, then," Blake stated, handing me his business card.

"Sure thing," I answered.

Cody stifled a yawn. "Well… it's been great hanging out with you two tonight, but I'm afraid I've got to go," Cody informed us. "Someone needs his daddy back home," he added with a wink.

"I'm sure someone does." Blake grinned. "Tell him I said hi."

"Will do," Cody told Blake before turning to me. "Come on, Justin. I'll give you a ride home," he offered kindly.

I nodded. "It was great meeting you, Blake. I'll see you soon. Good night, "I told him before we went our separate ways.

On our way to Cody's car, I felt invigorated and hopeful; more than I had felt in weeks about what was to come…


TBH…

Comments

[techgirl-on-ij.livejournal.com]

Great update! Love how you're brought Blake into the story. Can't wait to see Brian's reaction when Justin finally tells him.

Hugs!

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so so much for taking the time to follow this story my dear techi and thank you for your ongoing support and encouragement. I felt it would be interesting to introduce another trans guy into the storyline and Blake fit really well.
I'm currently writing a lot more so yup, more to come, including more from Brian and Justin in this 'verse.
HUGS
V.

[yumyumpm.livejournal.com]

It's nice that Justin has Cody and Blake for support. Will Justin get up the nerve to tell Brian that he's a transgender? Time will tell.

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your ongoing support and encouragement for this story. It means a lot to me.
Stay tunes, there's a lot more to come :)
HUGS

[yumyumpm.livejournal.com]

I would like to thank you for educating us on transgender issues, of which I know nothing about. I do know that if you don't feel comfortable in your skin and need to change that skin, that's a good thing. Nobody should be able to tell you differently.

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

I do know that if you don't feel comfortable in your skin and need to change that skin, that's a good thing. Nobody should be able to tell you differently.

THIS is so true! It's actually one of the reasons I decided to write this AU <3

Thank you so much for understanding. i truely appreciate that :)

[tiger062.livejournal.com]

Another great update. Seems like it's getting close to Justin having to tell Brian. Now that's a chapter I can't wait for. In the meantime I'm enjoying the journey Justin is taking.

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for taking the time to follow this story and thank you for your heartfelt supportive feedback. It means a lot to me :)
More to come...

[hikinggirl70.livejournal.com]

Loved the way Justin is finally feeling like he belongs. I can't wait for the next chapter.

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for following this story and for your super supportive thoughtful feedback. It means a lot to me :)
More to come...